ARE YOU REALLY LISTENING?

EPICTETUS… the Greek sage and philosopher said … “NATURE HAS GIVEN TO MAN, ONE TONGUE, BUT TWO EARS, THAT WE MAY HEAR FROM OTHERS TWICE AS MUCH AS WE SPEAK”

It is said that we misunderstand 70% of all communication. The challenge isn’t just with how the message is delivered but how it is received. Communication will be impaired if do not know how to listen attentively. When a boss, client or friend has something to say to you, do you just make non-committal responses? Do you give them half an ear in the name of multitasking? To really listen, you must focus and internalize what you hear.  These simple tips will help you become a better listener, build better relationships, be a more effective worker and become more successful in your endeavours.

1. Give your full attention

You cannot effectively listen to someone if you’re not paying attention to them. So, the first step is to stop what you’re doing and actively switch your focus to the person speaking by looking at them and giving them your full attention. This shows you recognize their importance and are willing to fully engage in the conversation.

2. Stop talking

It is no coincidence that the word ‘Listen’ is an anagram of ‘Silent’, when the letters are rearranged. You can’t talk and listen at the same time. Remember, the goal here is to listen to what they have to say – you’ll have your turn to speak afterwards. Obviously, if you don’t stop talking then the other person won’t have a chance to speak, giving you nothing to listen to. But also, if you keep the limelight on yourself, then you aren’t paying attention to what they are saying, and at the end of the conversation you’d have missed out on important information.

3. Eliminate interferences

Just because you stopped talking, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re listening. Distractions are everywhere, from computer screens, phones and that poster behind your desk. If possible, try to move away from loud environments so you don’t get distracted by something someone else is saying. Do not look at your screens or paperwork in front of you and put your entire focus on the person you’re talking to.

4. Stop thinking and be present

We have spoken about your focus a few times now, but how do you do this? It isn’t quite as simple as avoiding external distractions, because our own mind and internal thoughts can distract us just as easily. Try to manage distracting or unwanted thoughts that pop into your mind by gently noticing them and putting them aside for later. Avoid making assumptions. If you get into a conversation expecting them to say something in particular, you’ll end up distracting yourself from what they’re actually saying.

5. Really pay attention

Make sure you give 100% of your attention to what they’re saying, and be honestly involved and inquisitive about what you’re hearing. Think to yourself “this is fascinating” and be prepared to lose yourself in their ideas. Think of the person speaking as the only person in the room (regardless of who else is there) and put your mental energy into listening, not on planning your reply. When it’s your turn to speak, if you’d been fully paying attention and internalising their words, your response will come naturally.

6. Listen without bias

If you’ve already made your mind up about what they’re saying, you won’t be able to listen effectively. Try to set aside your existing views and just listen to theirs. Be open to hearing new ideas and welcome the unexpected. Ultimately, you may not agree with everything (or anything!) they say, but you would’ve given them the courtesy of your time. Your opinions will form naturally but try to resist the urge to interrupt or immediately disagree without first considering their points.

7. Listen at a deeper level

Meaningful conversations are more than merely the combination of words spoken out loud. A person’s tone of voice can reveal a lot: if someone’s words are calm and agreeable, but their tone of voice sounds angry, upset or disappointed, think about what this means. Also pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as the way they stand and hand-gestures. Notice what their posture says about what they’re saying. Are they casually leaning on something or are they hunched over and closed off? Being an effective listener means being able to read between the lines and look for these subtle clues and subtexts.

8. Demonstrate you’re listening

When someone speaks, it’s usually on the assumption that someone will be listening. If you show that you’re actively listening, you’ll build a better rapport with the other person and they may end up opening up more and giving you additional useful information. Small actions like leaning forward to show interest, nodding along with their points and saying little things like “aha” and “okay” as they go along can show that you are genuinely interested in what they are saying. Be careful not to overdo this, as it can have a counter-productive effect. When you respond, quickly summarising something they’ve said also shows you were focused and paying attention, and then using their words or phrasing when you make your points, shows that you’ve internalised what they said.

Finally, be slow to answer but quick to listen. It will confer on you the strange power of influence.

Not All Customers Are Kings & Queens

“The Customer is King” is an old business ideology that posits the importance of customers (and potential customers) to every business. This ideology has helped many businesses become more customer-centered, provide better service and sustain patronage. However, it is often taken out of context and there are instances where it has created more harm than good – giving customers the right to condemn and even jeopardize employees’ livelihoods.

While it is true that without (external) customers a business ceases to exist, one should also consider that an employee is in fact, a customer -albeit an internal one. Employers therefore have a duty of care to provide them with a working environment that ensures that they consistently provide quality service to “deserving” customers.

“The Customer is King” ideology, has created a situation where every customer wants to be treated like royalty – even when they are wrong. Basic human nature is such that no matter what you do, some people are hard to please; some deliberately spoil for a fight; some are unreasonable and irrational, while others simply don’t recognize human dignity. Of course, this does not apply to humanity as a whole but many customers have become emboldened by this mantra to be abusive, condescending and intolerable, believing that throwing a tantrum will get them what they want. It’s like aiding and abetting a known fugitive, exposing yourself and others to risk and possible harm. It may sound harsh but if you think about it critically, serving the interests of a “bad” customer over your employees could also have a negative impact on the working environment. What’s worse, it could affect the relationship between other “good” customers and the business.

You may have heard of the Senator who verbally and physically assaulted a retail shop assistant in Abuja, and even instructed his personal security detail to arrest her. That was an extreme situation because it is also showed abuse of power. There was another instance when a woman verbally assaulted a young salesgirl, who refused to bend the store’s policies on refunds and exchanges. The customer went as far as threatening to call the police to close down the shop because she was a “big woman”. When the Managing Director was called, she reprimanded the salesgirl for not giving the customer what she wanted. How much of a “customer” are you, if this is your constant attitude? Again, how does the salesgirl maintain her composure in future disputes, when doing the right thing in the interest of the business isn’t honoured, simply because the customer is king or in this case queen?

Whether you own a small business or a large conglomerate, you must know that if you place a greater value on your external customers over and above that of your internal customers, even when there is cause to do otherwise, you are creating a hostile environment internally and sending a message that your employees don’t matter. Yet, it is from these same employees, that you expect maximum cooperation. If you train your employees to offer the best service and deal with difficult customers, more often than not, there should be a positive (or civil) outcome. When those “bad” customers show up, your employees will be confident and competent to handle the situation before it gets out of hand. If due process is followed and you still have a disgruntled, unsatisfied customer on your hands, you might just have to sever the business relationship. You are likely to find that some customers are dispensable, after all.

Granted, it is important to meet the requirements of all your clients and ensure that they get value, however, it is also important to show solidarity to those who serve them. In the long term, you will discover that basing your business process on the principle that ‘the customer is always right’, even in situations when they are wrong, will eventually harm the business. Not only will employees feel demoralized and unempowered to defend themselves and the business against offensive customers, but you could also create a bad reputation that could turn away potentially great employees. In life as in business, everything is subject to an upgrade. It is right to treat customers with utmost respect but it is also strategic to support your employees when THEY are in the right. Ultimately, both internal and external customers are essential contributors to a successful business. They are partners in progress and they both deserve dignity and respect.